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Why Atheists Love Breasts

The title of this blog isn’t a joke. I really am going to explain why atheists love breasts.

Of course, it’s also a shameless attempt to improve my blog stats by mentioning two of the hottest topics on the Web: atheism and breasts. I admit that. Sue me. My aunt is a lawyer. She’ll eat you alive. Come to think of it, I haven’t had breakfast yet and I’m kind of hungry.

But back to our topic. Breakfast can wait.

You will be happy to know that I have scientifically verified my hypothesis. I once dated a guy who claimed to be an atheist, and he really did love breasts. I’m not saying anything more about how I know he did, because I’m not writing that kind of blog. I admit that my sample size (one atheist) is kind of small, unlike my … no, I’m not going to go there. It’s not that kind of blog.

By the way, I say that the guy “claimed” to be an atheist because there’s some doubt about whether he really was one. On several occasions, I heard him cry out “Oh, God!” Never mind which occasions. It’s not that kind of blog.

Anyway, why do atheists love breasts?

Basically, it’s because breasts are material objects and atheists are all about materialism.

Atheists usually believe that nothing exists except material reality and its effects. Of course, they define material reality kind of broadly, to include things like energy. But the essence of their viewpoint is that if physical science can study it, then it’s real. Otherwise, it’s just a fairy tale that we tell ourselves because we’re afraid of dying.

Based on scientific evidence, nobody can prove that atheists are wrong. But what atheists try not to admit is that nobody can prove they are right, either. Atheism and materialism are not scientific conclusions. They are philosophical viewpoints.

It’s like the old saying that if your only tool is a hammer, then every problem looks like a nail. Atheists are impressed (as anyone should be) by the achievements of physical science. But they then leap to the conclusion, unsupported by scientific evidence, that every problem is a suitable nail for the scientific hammer. Okay, that was a pretty lame metaphor, but you get the idea.

Physical science studies physical reality. If it fails to find anything except physical reality, that fact shouldn’t surprise anyone. And it shouldn’t be taken to imply that only physical reality exists. But that is the core of the atheist argument. There are other factors, but that’s the main one.

Any thinking person has to consider the possibility that atheism is true, even though it’s an essentially negative idea: that God does not exist. But when you think a little more, you realize that science is neutral about God’s existence. And there’s plenty of other evidence from history, people’s lives, and our own personal experience to suggest that God really does exist.

What it comes down to is free choice. The evidence doesn’t force us to decide one way or the other. Based on the evidence, we can conclude that God exists or doesn’t exist. When we make our choice, it’s as much a statement about who we are and how we see the world as it is a statement about whether or not God exists.

And now, please excuse me. There’s some coffee cake in the kitchen that looks just Heavenly. I’ll have to pray for the strength not to eat two pieces instead of just one. πŸ™‚

Copyright 2009 by Rinth de Shadley.

  1. August 30, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    Hmm… :\

    I’m an atheist and I care about breasts about as much as I care about… hammers? I tend to hire someone to handle the hammer. I never hired anyone to handle breasts, though. But maybe that’s because I have a boyfriend. Ha!
    But go ahead… Have another piece of the heavenly cake. πŸ˜€

    • Rinth
      August 30, 2009 at 5:00 pm

      Hi, D.M.D. —

      I checked out your blog site and it is soooo cool! We probably don’t agree about much but we could have a lot of fun arguments. πŸ™‚

      One thing we do agree about is that people should not use their beliefs as an excuse to harm others or take away their freedom. Btw, the layout of your blog site is awesome and I love the graphics. It must have taken you a long time to design it.


  2. August 30, 2009 at 6:51 pm

    I’m an atheist, but have on occasion said “Oh God!”

    Though I try to use “By Hercules!”, “Oh Zeus!” and “Dear Frith!” just as often.

  3. Rinth
    August 30, 2009 at 7:19 pm

    You never said it around me! πŸ™‚

    I’ve read about Hercules and Zeus, but I’ve never heard of Frith. Where is that one from? Thanks!

    • August 30, 2009 at 7:40 pm

      Read “Watership Down”. It’s a classic novel. Nothing to do with atheists.

      Frith (or Lord Frith) is the name the main characters give to the sun, which is their god figure.

  4. August 31, 2009 at 7:32 am

    Wait..what kind of blog is this again? πŸ˜‰
    Oh yeah…one I enjoyed reading! The thing that kills me about atheism is the certainty of it. No one can prove God exists. But no one can prove he doesn’t, either. Doesn’t the very extremism of atheism, itself, require a…well…leap of faith, as it were? πŸ˜›

  5. Rinth
    August 31, 2009 at 11:20 am

    Hi, Mary —

    Thanks for your nice comment! I agree with you that atheists seem very, very certain about their faith.

    But I have to wonder about how certain they really are. There’s a saying that “If you suspect that you’re wrong, yell louder!” That definitely applies to many atheists. πŸ™‚


  6. August 31, 2009 at 11:53 am

    There’s a difference with arguing stridently and being certain. There’s also such a thing as “conditional certainty”.

    I’m a certain of my position as an atheist as I am of almost anything…that is, certain enough until evidence presents itself to contradict what I think.

    • Rinth
      August 31, 2009 at 2:33 pm

      That sounds like a very reasonable attitude. I have the same atttitude about believing in God. Well, maybe not quite, but almost.

  7. August 31, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    Frithdangit just doesn’t have the same oomph. Still, even bunnies believe in *something* (Watership Down is my all-time favorite book, Rinth, if that’s any sort of recommendation…sooo much symbolism)
    See to me, Morse, (if I may call you Morse..Dot Dot Dash seems a bit too informal at this juncture…) your argument sounds a bit more like agnosticism. *shrugs* Or maybe I’m just bored and trying to start something. You decide πŸ˜‰

    • August 31, 2009 at 1:07 pm

      Despite what you may have heard, agnosticism and atheism aren’t mutually exclusive. They address different things.

      Atheism addresses belief. Agnosticism addresses knowledge.

      Think of it as if each one is an answer to a different question:

      Does a god exist? I don’t know. Thus, I’m agnostic.
      Do I believe a god exists? No, I don’t. Thus, I’m an atheist.

      But I’m only agnostic in the way that I’m agnostic about anything.

      When I drop something, I’m sure it will hit the ground. But not absolutely sure…because for all I know, the next time I drop something it will fall up. All my experience and all the evidence, however, points to objects falling down…so while I can’t be absolutely sure, I’m as sure as I can reasonably be.

      • Rinth
        August 31, 2009 at 2:34 pm

        I think that I might be an agnostic, but I’m not sure. I’m ready to be convinced either way. πŸ™‚

  8. Cass
    September 8, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    LMAO!! Well I can confirm from one atheist I knew that loved them a LOT. SO thats all I got. LMAO

    • Rinth
      September 10, 2009 at 2:25 am

      Thanks, Cass! Maybe we have some kind of scientific theory here. Hmm. πŸ™‚

      Sorry that it took me a few days to reply. Back to school and all that. I’m still tired but running on excitement tonight. I hope that you’re doing great!

  9. September 10, 2009 at 3:02 am

    Hmm… Sorry to burst the joy bubble, but I’m an atheist and I love c*ck. Scientific theory fails. πŸ˜›

    • Rinth
      September 10, 2009 at 3:40 am

      Hi, D.M.D. —

      In the spirit of logic and science, I’d point out that the two loves are not incompatible. I’m straight and not an atheist, but Rachel Maddow would definitely have a shot with me. πŸ™‚

  10. September 10, 2009 at 3:46 am


  11. February 25, 2014 at 10:38 pm

    Wait — atheists only believe in the material world, and not things like conscious awareness?

    • February 26, 2014 at 12:05 am

      I can’t speak for atheists but that’s how it sounds to me, at least with a lot of them. They use words like think, feel, and love, but they think they’re just talking about brain processes. As a med student who studied neuroscience, I’ve got nothing against brain processes. I think they’re great. I just don’t think that’s all there is to us. Lots of smart people disagree with me.

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