No Sex in Graveyards
It’s about a girl who moves to a new town, goes to a new school, and gets chased by vampires and werewolves. Sound familiar? You can call it a Twilight wannabe. And what book wouldn’t wannabe Twilight, which spawned both sequels and movies, made Kristen Stewart a movie star, and made hundreds of millions of dollars?
On the subject of Twilight, I’ve never quite understood the attraction of Robert Pattinson, who plays Edward Cullen in the movies. But then, I prefer nerdy guys.
At the moment, I’m also sick, which is why I’m neither studying nor out flirting with nerdy guys.
Oh, yes, I know where to find them. Any senior-level science class, except at my school because it’s a women’s college. Comic stores. Sci-fi conventions. Any personal appearance by a cast member from Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Transformers, or The Big Bang Theory, which I’ve seen a couple times and actually kind of like because I identify with Amy.
But as for Wicked Woods. There are certain things you should never agree to do, especially if you’re in a story.
If someone says, “Tonight at midnight, let’s go have sex on a grave in that abandoned cemetery,” almost everyone knows not to do it. That never ends well.
If you’re in a spooky old house being stalked by a slasher / monster / whatever, and someone says “We’d better separate,” that’s not a good idea. The unstated end of that sentence is always “… so he can kill us one by one.”
There’s one more thing I’d like to nominate as something you should never do: If someone says, “Let’s move to a town called Wicked,” just say no. Don’t do that. Especially if people are routinely torn to pieces by werewolves in parking lots but nobody seems to notice. You know immediately that the town does not have a good Neighborhood Watch.
Of course, living in Wicked has its benefits.
You get to stay with your Aunt Sophie. She runs the Edge Inn, a bed and breakfast at the edge of the “Wicked Woods” where your parents and your brother disappeared. Aunt Sophie’s part-time job is killing vampires and werewolves. She wants you to take her place when she retires.
There’s Fallon, the guy who’s going to ask you to the homecoming dance at school:
Briony could see that the young man was perhaps a little older than she was, with short blond hair and features that almost spilled over from simply handsome into beautiful.
Guess what Fallon turns out to be.
There’s Kevin, who saved you from a werewolf in the parking lot behind the diner where you work after school:
The simple breadth of the young man’s shoulders made it clear that he didn’t have much to be modest about …
Kevin’s probably going to take his shirt off a lot, except when he sprouts fangs and fur.
There’s also Pepper Freeman, the school’s head cheerleader and chief Mean Girl. She hates you because you’re prettier than she is. But Pepper will probably get eaten by the end of the book. So between that and the two gorgeous guys who like you, the story will have a happy ending.
But the story’s main character, Briony, asks a question that her Aunt Sophie never answers:
“Why does anyone stay in a place like this?”
The book doesn’t say. But I’d guess it’s because everyone loves the old Wicked Graveyard just outside of town.
Hey, you know what would be fun? Let’s go there at midnight, and …
Copyright 2011 by Rinth de Shadley.