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What I’d Do for a Million Dollars

Blake Lively as Serena van der Woodsen. Photo: The CW/Patrick Harbron/Landov.

What would you do for money? A lot of money?

George Bernard Shaw, who was an English satirist, once asked a woman at a party if she would sleep with him for a million British pounds. When she said yes, he asked if she would do it for one pound. Angrily, she asked, “What kind of woman do you think I am?” Shaw said, “We’ve established what kind of woman you are. Now, we’re just haggling about the price.”

I’m still trying to figure out what kind of woman I am. Sometimes, I think I’d like to be the kind who

is going to win over all our teachers, wear that dress we couldn’t fit into, eat the last olive, have sex in our parents’ beds, spill Campari on our rugs, steal our brothers’ and our boyfriends’ hearts, and basically ruin our lives and piss all of us off in a major way. (Gossip Girl)

But in the meantime, anyway, here is my price list.

For a million dollars, I would

  • Kiss Justin Bieber. No tongue. And no, he doesn’t get anything else, not even for another million. What is he, like 12?
  • Become Chuck Bass‘s trophy wife. Though in all honesty, he can probably do better than me if he wants a trophy wife.

For a thousand dollars, I would

  • Wear a Winerack bra. For another thousand, I’d let a guy drink from it.
  • Dance around a stripper pole for a music video. Just dance. Nothing comes off. If Miley Cyrus shows me the moves, it’s free. Don’t read anything into that. Unless you want to.

For free, I would

Never, for any amount of money, would I

  • Kiss Rush Limbaugh.
  • Trade places with Lindsay Lohan.
  • Show my parents the very small tramp stamp I got last year (though they probably know about it).
  • Tell my younger brother that I’m proud of him.

Copyright 2010 by Rinth de Shadley.

  1. lookitsbray
    July 18, 2010 at 11:03 am

    For a million dollars I would make out with Justin Bieber while Rush Limbaugh fondles my balls…lol

    • July 18, 2010 at 5:13 pm

      Eeek! That’s an image I didn’t need. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by!

  2. David
    July 19, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    If I wouldn’t do it for free, I wouldn’t do it for money. The above comment is TMI…:)

    • July 19, 2010 at 8:16 pm

      Hi, David —

      It’s probably lucky you feel that way. A Winerack bra would look better on me than on you. 🙂

      • David
        July 20, 2010 at 11:41 am

        Thank God for that! I know when I’m out of my league…

  3. August 20, 2010 at 9:16 pm

    haha amusing! 🙂

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