Home > Dating, feminism, Guys, Life, Neuroscience and Psychology, School > What I’ve Learned About Guys

What I’ve Learned About Guys

Now that I’ve fully recovered from my Saturday night of excess and debauchery at UMass, I was thinking about what I learned from it.

Don’t get the wrong idea, by the way. It wasn’t that excessive or debauched. Several of us went to the party together so we could look out for each other. We did drink a little, there were lots of guys to dance with, and there was some fairly good music. But that’s about it. On a debauchery scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being a primary-school production of “The Sound of Music” and 10 being a typical day in Congress, the party was about a 6.

I didn’t really learn much from the party except that I should avoid having more than two drinks. Or maybe it was five: the exact number is a little hazy. But it did remind me of some things that I already knew about guys. Some of the things are occasionally annoying, but most of the time, they’re funny and kind of sweet:

If a guy at a party can get you drunk, he will.

Or at least he’ll try. Especially a college guy. It’s not even just about sex: it’s about male dominance. When you’re drunk, he’s more in control of things. Being in control is very important to guys. In the right situation, I’m not even against it, but getting trashed probably isn’t the best method.

Most guys think if you’re nice to them, it means you want to have sex with them.

Or even if you just smile at them on the street, they think that.

Their minds naturally go there. Parts of a guy’s brain that process sexual impulses (the interstitial nuclei of the anterior hypothalamus, or INAH) are twice as large in men as in women. Guys have a lot more wiring devoted to thinking about sex, so they think about it a lot. You knew I was studying neuroscience, right?

A guy is like a two-way light switch.

If a guy’s sex drive gets turned on, his thinking gets suppressed. If his thinking gets turned on, his sex drive gets suppressed. It’s called lateral inhibition. It’s why if you have an itch, you can make it better by scratching next to it. The same thing sometimes happens with brain systems: when one goes on, the other goes off. It also happens with the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, but that subject is too nerdy for a blog.

A guy’s intelligence can think of you as a person and treat you with respect. A guy’s sex drive doesn’t think of you as a person, but only as a place to put it. So if you want to have a normal conversation with a guy, you’ve got to avoid activating his sex drive.

Of course, because guys naturally think about sex, it’s very hard to avoid activating their sex drive. Heavy overcoats and ankle-length skirts can help, but very few of us want to wear those, so we don’t have a good solution to the problem.

Guys like to pursue even more than they like to capture.

Guys are all about the chase. They think that they like sex the most. But what they really seem to like, even more than sex, is trying to get sex.

The chase gives their lives meaning. The capture makes them fear that they’re going to be domesticated and forced to change diapers. Which they are, sometimes. They don’t like that idea even though studies show they will be happier, healthier, and live longer than otherwise. But nobody ever accused guys of making sense. 🙂

And now, I have homework. Ttys!


Copyright 2010 by Rinth de Shadley.

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  1. loveandcoco
    February 17, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    I can believe the last comment. Funny post 🙂

    • Rinth de Shadley
      February 17, 2010 at 7:31 pm

      Based on real-life experience. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by!

  2. April 17, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Boy, is that the truth. . . . all of them.
    Thanks,
    Mary

    • Rinth de Shadley
      April 17, 2010 at 1:57 pm

      Hi Mary —

      Thanks. Personal experience. 🙂

  3. -
    January 24, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    primary-school production of “The Sound of Music”
    where on the d’boch spectrum do teletubbies and squarebob spongepants fall?

    • January 24, 2011 at 10:14 pm

      Hi None —

      I like both Teletubbies and SpongeBob, but I know some people think they are Of The Devil. 🙂

      Actually, that’s not a bad idea for a TV show: The Devil is unemployed so he gets a job as a TV writer.

  4. -
    January 24, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    If a guy at a party can get you drunk
    If there is/are drugs/etc, then everyone’s in the wrong place to meet anyone.

    Most guys think if you’re nice to them, it means you want to have sex with them.
    Ignoring that exaggeration/extrapolation, yes, but…
    We’re forced to assume *possible* interest. Otherwise, probability will leave us (and by implication, you) a virgin until the age of 472.59 years (on average).

    A guy is like a two-way light switch.
    No, that singlemindedness is strongest during ‘the act’, and even then, not fully.
    A guy’s intelligence can think of you as a person and treat you with respect.
    A guy’s sex drive doesn’t think of you as a person, but only as a place to put it.
    (putting it where it wants to be is fantastic, but) No. 🙂

    So if you want to have a normal conversation with a guy, you’ve got to avoid activating his sex drive.
    What’s a “normal conversation?”
    Is sex disrespectful?? i appreciate it 😉

    because guys naturally think about sex, it’s very hard to avoid activating their sex drive.
    Why worry?

    Guys like to pursue even more than they like to capture.
    You’re studying the wrong guys. Most guys consider ‘pursuing’ a necessary chore at best, or (as I do) an annoying ‘game’.

    • January 24, 2011 at 10:31 pm

      Hi None —

      You make some good points. I was trying to be funny in that blog post, so I exaggerated just a little bit here and there.

      I kind of agree with you about drugs and alcohol, but you won’t find many parties where they have only iced tea and cookies. As for how guys act, I can only report how it looks to me. And don’t get me wrong, I love guys, but it’s hard to figure them out sometimes.

      Thanks for a thoughtful and interesting comment!

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